Baby B update

We had our first of many echocardiograms and ultrasounds on friday. (Thank you again Polly!) here's the info:

Baby B's heart has a very complicated heart defect, but thankfully is still pumping away at a healthy rate. Basically, her two lower pumping chambers are actually just one giant leaky chamber, plus a very small underdeveloped chamber. There are few other problems, but without hand gestures and diagrams, I haven't found a way to explain them. It's a scary and serious problem- but fixable through a series of surgeries.

Her legs however pose a much harder problem. She does indeed have the Mermaid Syndrome, Sirenomelia. The legs themselves aren't the problem, but this syndrome causes the lower organs (intestines, kidneys, bladder etc. etc.) to be underdeveloped or absent. At friday's ultrasound it was hard to see what Baby B's kidney situation is because of her position. They thought they saw a somewhat working kidney, but couldn't be positive. Dr. Dennis is holding out a bit of hope because there was some fluid around the baby (kidneys are what makes the amniotic fluid after 20some-odd weeks).

Now I get to meet the neonatal team at the University of Virginia, Plan Baby B's possible surgeries and go over every possible situation that could arise. Right now Michael and I are planning to give this little baby every fighting chance that technology offers to help her fight through these complications. Her job right now is to just keep that heart beating long enough to make her debut with her sister.

I have definitely felt the prayers, thoughts and support from my family and friends and I want to thank you all for everything you do. Your kind words mean the world to us right now. I tried to bear my testimony at church today, mostly I cried, sniffled, scolded Michael from the pulpit and blubbered. I'm hoping the spirit has a good Tracy to English dictionary for the congregration!

Lately...

There's been some recent events that have had my mind swimming with questions. After getting some troubling news, my mind went somewhere I would have never guessed- to a young women's sunday lesson. I remember vaguely learning about talents. Our presidency had gotten our parents to write down what they believed their child's talents were. I remember wishing I had a more "outward" talent like my friends. Some were amazing at sports, or very musically gifted. Others were very intellegent or creative. I remember one of the talents my parents wrote down for me was Peace Maker, that in social situations (specially school) I didn't continue fights and I'd tried to be inclusive with everyone. This is a talent I'm proud to have and I treasure it, but at 15 it's not as cool as being able to shoot 100% at the three point line or sight-read terribly hard music.

My mind also went to 3rd grade, my favorite elementary school year. I had an amazing teacher Mrs. Gray and some great close friends. I also remembered one boy. His name was Cory and he had some sort of physical and mental disability. (At 8 years old it didn't matter much what it exactly was) He was a perfect sweetheart and I remember trying hard to include him in everything. Not out of social guilt which I think some adults are prone to, not because I was asked to befriend him, but because I liked him. He was funny, kind and I wanted to be his friend.

I was kind of surprised at these thoughts, at the surface they have very little to do with the news I recieved. They were distant memories, long buried by time and hadn't changed my life in any significant way I could see. But after mulling them over, and lots lots lots lots and looots of praying, I am beginning to see a string through all three events.

We found out at the most recent ultrasound on friday that Baby B most likely has a serious heart defect and possibly an extremely rare birth defect called Sirenomelia or "Mermaid Syndrome". His/Her legs do not move independantly of each other and are most likely fused together. It affects 1 in about 100,000 births, and even more so in twins. The extent of either medical problem is currently unknown because of the low quality ultrasound at my previous doctor's appointment. On Friday I switched up to a OB practice in Roanoke that is directly across the street from the hospital. I'll soon be seeing a pediatric cardiologist for a fetal echocardiogram as well as high-risk ultrasound specialists. Hopefully within the next week or two we'll have more information on the exact diagonsis for both the heart and legs. Thankfully both babies are growing at the right rate, have good weights and everything else looks like it should. (I'll be sure to keep this blog updated for faraway friends and family.)

After the inital freaking out, crying, distraught, and overwhelmed feelings, my mind when to those two memories. At that time it actually annoyed me that my mind could think of anything else but the poor child, but now I think I understand. Heavenly Father was reminding me that he had prepared me for this long ago, in very small and simple ways. He gave me a loving and accepting heart, He sent me to a strong family, most of whom in their own ways have dealt with children with a wide variety of problems, He has given me their experience and advice. He's given Baby B a strong, loving, and protective sister (Baby A). He has everything planned out for us and thanks to these seemingly random memories, I believe I've seen a glimpse of it.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Michael and I celebrated with his family this year. We ate a DELICIOUS dinner, had funny conversation and played games. (Michael and I creamed Polly and G'ma in TriBond, hehe) I've been reminded through chain emails, facebook, tv shows, news programs and fabulous parades to share what I am thankful for this year.

I am thankful for a wonderful husband who, while he maintains he's an evil mastermind, is truly sweet, kind and funny.

I am thankful for in-laws who have welcomed me into their family entirely and treat me as one of their own.

I am thankful for the gospel and the never-ending comfort and support it has provided in my life.

I am thankful for forgiving parents who raised me to be kind, polite and a well-rounded individual.

I am thankful for friends both near and far that can make me laugh with a single word or knowing look.

I am thankful for all the children in my life who brighten my day. (including the tiny twins who can wake me with swift kicks!)

I am thankful for maternity jeans- seriously they're mega comfortable.

I am thankful for cellphones, keeping me in touch with loved ones who are far away from me.

I am thankful for so many things, there is NO way I could list them here without boring you (I can't think of clever quips for all of them!!) Now I will remind you to share what you're thankful for this season, and the whole year through!




...wow that sounded cheesy eh?

Double your pleasure, Double your fun

At my high risk ultrasound yesterday the tech gave us the BIGGEST shock ever. I was VERY lucky I was lying down when she told me because I was close to fainting. Michael and I are having TWINS.

In case you misread that, that's TWO BABIES.

I'll let you have a moment to drink that in.


Ready? okay.

I am constantly see-sawing between deliriously happy and scared beyond all belief. We had just hammered out how we were going to afford the one baby, and it was going to be tight but right now caring and raising two babies just seems impossible! Not to mention the fact that we have a hard enough time keeping a single baby in my uterus long enough, let alone two. Our heads are just swimming with all this new information. The ultrasound said everyone was growing just fine, they each had their own healthy placenta. Baby A is a girl, and a VERY active one. She wiggled, danced and squirmed during the entire ordeal. Baby B was very modest and refused to give us a good shot, so we don't know the gender yet. S/he was much more laid back and didn't want to move around much (possibly because her/his sister was going nuts!)

Thankfully I do have an aunt who had twin girls just before Michael and I got married, and we have friends in our ward who've had twins and just warning you guys- We'll be bugging you for advice, information and tips A LOT.

Two. Deux. Dos. TWINS

I heard a funny joke today...

Uterus: Knock Knock!
Tracy: Who's there?
Doctor: A Baby!
Michael: A Baby who???
Ultrasound: A Baby Girl!!!

Isn't it funny?

Almost a year...

I've been planning a post in my head about Rachel's "birthday" on Novemeber 21, but it's never really come together properly. I can't seem to convey my gratitude towards close family and friends, my deep saddness over the loss, my extreme joy of feeling her spirit during a recent temple trip and my frustration at my so-called fertile age without seeming entirely bi-polar and confusing every reader who stops by. I'm posting it early in case I don't get internet access on her actual date. So here is your warning, I will be talking in depth about my miscarriages, feelings and religion.

I've been looking at our memory box that the hospital gave us, we filled it with little could-have-been momentos. Besides the pictures (which I would never post on here, due to both the graphic and personal nature.) my favorite items actually come from Polly and my Grandmother, Ruth. Polly had found a beautiful little spring dress, It's a very soft yellow fabric with tiny pink flowers. It's a completely girly outift, rounded out with lacy bloomers. Everytime I look at it, I can perfectly imagine Rachel wearing it to a sunday dinner at the in-laws. It's a bittersweet image, both comforting and depressing. I never knew I could feel those at the same time.

My Grandma sent us a beautiful baby book with a nursery ryhme theme, unknown to her that I had been leaning towards a fairy tale/nursery rhyme theme for our nursery. The moment I opened it I started to fill out the pages as well as I could, it had an in-depth pregnancy section as well as parent history. This item isn't bittersweet, it's simply bitter, but I kept it because I knew what little detail I put in there I would forget years down the road. I took my pregnancy symptoms as a small showing of my baby's personality- Obviously she would have kicked anyone who got in her way of chocolate milk and salt & vinegar chips, and she loved Michael (his scent? something because I'd get violently sick whenever Michael left for too long) Her baby book, while 98% empty, is filled with many memories.

The other items, a pacifer emblazend with the Patriots logo, a small forget-me-not teddy bear, her medical braclet (which was too big for her to wear, so it hung on her isolette.), the photo album, her "birth" cerficate, and many tiny items the hospital gave us are all so precious to me and probably will be my answer to what's the one thing I'd save in a fire for a very long time.

Thankfully, my saddness hasn't decreased over the year, but has become much less raw and painful- more manageable I suppose. Michael is entirely the reason for that. He's let me cry when I want, talk, play the "what-if" game, complain, whine, and pout but he's never let me dwell or go so deep into the saddness that I couldn't get out of it myself. He often reminds me of the ever-helpful Plan of Salvation, that in one way or another I will know, love and be with these three lost children.

which leads me to my experience in the Temple (check out LDS.ORG if you're unfamiliar with the term) Being in that beautiful temple instantly calms me, I don't even need to do any work, just walk in the lobby and I'll be peaceful all day. I was able to pray for a long time while feeling this calmness and closeness to my Heavenly Father. I KNOW that I was able to feel Gwen, Rachel and Alma's spirits, and understand that they were eternally apart of my family. It was such a great comfort to know that some time, in this life or the life after I will get to be with them.

I know this wasn't my normal, happy cutesy little life update post, and I hope I didn't cross any internet boundaries by posting this, but I felt it needed to be said, if not for you dear readers, than for me as a personal history. Thanks for listening!
-T

Layout Change

During General Conference, I messed around with my blog layout ( I know, naughty for not diligently taking notes. tsk tsk.) It's not as fancy or colorful as my last one, but hopefully it will load faster on my small phone screen =P

Life hasn't changed much since my last update, we're still job searching (it's the neverending story!!) and ready to go at a moments notice. Dear Employers: HIRE MY HUSBAND, he's smart, funny, determined and has a great butt. I know the butt thing doesn't help productivity, but it's a plus nonetheless!


that is all. I'm hoping to post about my halloween costumes next, I'm making mine and Jessica's!

You've Missed Me, You Know You Have!!

Our internet at home is nada, so it's been forever since I've updated this thing :)

So here's the run down on my life lately:

+Spent a fun Girl's Day with Polly, Sue, Nicki and myself. We watched Julie & Julia, went shopping and Polly treated me to a wonderful dinner at Red Robins. (thanks again!!)

+ I help Michael scour the newspaper daily for job openings, nothing has worked out so far though. January sure is coming up quick Mikey boy....

+ I've been healthy for one of the longest stretches since we got married! Not even a cold!!

+ Been working on details to start giving art lessons, it's a lot bigger undertaking than I thought it would be!! I'm hoping to start by the beginning of September.

+ Got "transferred" to CTR 7 from CTR 6, a loooot smaller class and without my safety net (Michael). We had a really good first lesson, having kids that can read makes a HUGE difference.

+ Planned FiG lessons for the next few months, I'm excited for "Secret Service Agents" and a journaling lesson :)

+ Went to the *~*new Mcdonalds*~* it's very weird looking and doesn't feel like a MickeyDees! (Though I DO like the video game machines in the booths!)

Nothing of great depth or value, but it's kept me busy :) I've had lots of time to spend with the in-laws and soak up as much Radford!Love as possible in case we have to move :)

Memories of Today

Another post proclaiming the cuteness of N and M from FisherFam4. I got to watch them today and they were just hilarious.

Highlights of the day:

M's "pa-pa" almost landing in our muffin mix. I hid it after that. ;)

N playing Hide and Seek with these rules: 1. Tracy must always hide in N's room. 2. N can peek all he wants. 3. M is NOT to count with him under penalty of screeching.

N wanting to help make lunch, but getting bored while waiting for water to boil and started yelling at the pot to get hotter faster.

M bringing baby doll to playground and pushing it on the swing and going on the see-saw with it.

N watching some of Dennis the Menace and us building a fort in homage (Sorry bout the mess in the basement melinda!!)

M walking on the fish pond at the school. I hope no fish were harmed!!!

N and M playing "hopscotch" on the map of the USA. N declared we lived in Texas cause it was the biggest. M pretending to be an airplane after I showed them where New Hampshire was.

8 year old girls thinking Macy was ADORABLE and wanting to play with her, N doing "karate" to show off to them.

M trying so hard to climb the monkey bars. Her little legs juuuuust out of reach.

N&M arguing over who popped the most bubbles. I know it's bad to argue, but M stamping her feet was too cute.

These kids crack me up and make me go from "awwwwww" to "OH CRUD" in five seconds flat :) I love that they keep me on my toes :)

Da Beach!

We've been home for a while now, and I'm still not ready to post about it. :( Posting about it means it's over! (that and I haven't scanned in all the things I want to show.)

Here is our vacation in list form:

Pros:

+ The House was gorgeous and just big enough to fit us all in without feeling overcrowded.

+ HOT TUB!

+ The beach was literally feet away from our front porch.

+ Watching the thunderstorm with Richard and Melinda

+ Playing with Macy and Noah for 7 days :)

+ Great Food! Every family meal was delicious!

+ Going to Wilmington, seeing Fort Fisher, The Aquarium and Battleship North Carolina *

+ Fireworks just about every night

+ Late night games with the grown ups (cause 8pm is bedtime for Noah, Macy and Grandpa)

+ Dr. Rootbeer's Hall of Foam

+ Spending an entire week with Michael without talking about Fazoli's or work or money. :)

+ The three tons of shells we took home

+Go-Karting with Michael, Ryan and Jessie

+ Michael's Hole-in-One(s) at Jungle Rapids!!

+ Going from Transluent to Fair on my skin.

+ Cable TV

+ Fast Internet

+ Cellphone service, I've never seen so many bars on my screen before!

Cons:

- The Beds, the room that had a bigger bed had glass doors. :( We made it work in the bunkbed room though, it just didn't look very nice! :)

- The Sand. It got everywhere and on everything.

-Big Bites, my legs are covered with little red splots.

- Finding out I'm allergic to pool chemicals. Thankfully it's not a life threatening allergy, I just break out in really itchy hives.

-Wilimington being so far away from Topsail (not to mention Radford being so far away from Topsail.)

- One Rainy day :(

I have pictures and whatnot to show you, but I don't have the uploaded on this computer. But I do have a facebook album and Nicki's blog has a few pictures (though everyone with Michael in it he's scowling. I swear he had a good time too!!)

Ask and Ye Shall Receive!!

Oh BOY did my mom come through! Today I went to the post office to pick up my package- expecting it just to be a jar of fluff and a cute note.

But no, the office worker smiled and said "Your mom likes you, it's heavy!"

when I opened it it was like a christmas feast! Chock full of goodies we've cut out of our grocery budget. :)

-2 large jars of fluff. YUMMM

-1 jar of peanut butter

- 4 cans of the "correct" tuna (solid in water, not chunk! ♥)

-Mini boxes of cereal

-gum! I've missed gum so much. chew chew chew.

- Dinty Moore Beef Stew. (oh she knows me well!)

- Single juice mixes

Now I'm going to smell Fluff and recall beloved childhood memories!!

THANK YOU MUMSIE!!! You've gone above and beyond the call of mommyhood! :)

Fluff

Admist my internet travels, I met someone who had never heard of Fluff.

"What? How can this BE?" you ask. Well, I believe it's a mass conspiracy for someone to hog all the fluff in the world.

I got to educate my friend about the wonderful, light, airy, completely unhealthy sandwich and dessert maker. I told her of the history of my fluffanutter sammiches and fluffy fudge. And then I looking longingly in my pantry, which is at this moment, fluff-less.

I've tried the local "marshmallow" spreads, but nothing has come close to my memory of a good old fashioned Peanut Butter and Fluff sandwich.

So any New England friends wanna send me some?

A little laugh for today

in today's world climate, everyone needs a little giggle now and then:

(Note: A sincerely nice gentleman in his Mid Sixties approaches the check in counter with a CRT monitor.)

Me: “Hello sir, what can i do for you?”

Old man: “I can’t check my email any more and I need you to help me.”

Me: “Okay, no problem! Did you want to bring your computer in here, too?”

Old man: “Here.”

(He sets his monitor on the counter.)

Me: “Um…”

Old man: “What’s wrong?”

Me: “Well sir, this is just your monitor. Imagine if you will that your DVD player…”

Old man: *looks confused*”

Me: “…or VCR…is broken and you want me to fix it, but you bring in your television.”

Old man: “Oh my goodness, I am so embarrassed.”

Me: “It’s completely understandable, technology can be a bit overwhelming.”

Old man: “I’ll go get my VCR!”

:) Have a good day! (Psst, all you ladies have fun at Girl's Camp!)

Watercolors

I've been playing around with different mediums, and being that I've never gotten past the "messy rainbow" stage of watercolors I decided to give it a try again. (After teaching myself through google of course.) I must say, that watercolor is rapidly becoming my favorite.

Here's where I show off:

I had too much fun painting her hair, the swirly whirly motion is very relazing. But then after coloring in the water, I realized I kinda forgot about the rest of her body...whoops. let's just say she's floating perfectly straight and you can't see it!

I really like drawing ballerinas. They are just so graceful and pretty!
I actually got this idea from google too, you're supposed to be more abstract and splatter-y, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. The black here is actually ink from a calligraphy set.
Sketches from my parking lot. Freaking dude, lost dog and little girl sitting in the parking lot. Annoying people, but fun to draw!
This was a drawing from forEVER ago, I found it in my many folders whilst cleaning and thought it needed some spiffing up.
I liked how the sitting girl came out from the parking lot, so I attempted to draw a circle of kids. I REALLY like the little boy's hair in this, I surprised myself!

My Day with N!

N my nephew is adorable. End of discussion! :)

Today he came over and we:

- made melted crayon stain glass monsters and presents for mom and dad

- played at my small rundown apartment playground (I was thiiiiiiis close to getting him down the fireman's pole, but he got scared.)

- walked to the convience store and bought a sprite.

- played with all 11 dogs on the 3 block trip to the store

- Some college girls flirted with N, the handsome devil!

- Used our nerf guns to attack my stuffed animals and windows.

- Cooked hamburgers for lunch

- watched Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

- played soccer 

- played Wii baseball and bowling (Got through two frames and it was pronounced too hard. =D )

-played N's version of Catch-phrase, which is trying to guess a word he made up (often Kiki-Halloweenie)

-Played Simon Says

-had some popcorn and watched two minutes of Shrek 2

- Fast forwarded to th funny cat parts of Shrek 2

- Danced to the Shrek music

- Painted dinosaurs while We're Back: a Dinosaur Movie played in the background

- Avoided all potty accidents

- Ate gummy lifesavers

- Talked about how Tracy needs to clean her house better so she doesn't lose her keys every five seconds.

It was a very fun day, I wish I had gotten some pictures of the Nerf Massacre, poor Taz and Kitty... :)